chi’s house of wisdom

I got a huuuuuuuuuuge MMA order like 2 weeks ago (45 discs…mmmm) and got another 15 discs from another guy this week…I’ve already plowed through most of the discs, so here are some brief thoughts…in order of them sitting in the pile next to me.

DREAM 1
Ass. Too many decisions. Eddie Alvarez impressed me. Dida didn’t look bad. JZ-Aoki was going nicely until the bullshit ND with Aoki being a total pussy bitch. Fuck that guy. MIRKO looked back to form fighting someone with less experience than him thats smaller than him.

DREAM 2
This wasn’t bad. Aoki-JZ THE REMATCH pissed me off a good bit because of Aoki stealing the win by crafting a gameplan totally based around not standing with JZ. Nothing JZ could really do. SAKU’s neck crank submission in the main event was fucking awesome. Thats all I really got on this show…nothing stood out too much.

DREAM 3
Probably the best of the 3 DREAM shows I’ve seen so far. Manhoef looked BEASTLIKE, Mayhem looked real good, Kawajiri & Alvarez grinded their way to solid decision wins (and Alvarez’s fight was great, too), and Uno came back from behind to get a nice sub win.

DREAM 4
OVEREEM looked so fucking awesome. Tokoro-Uyenoyama was FUCKING AWESOME, such a war. OH THAT FUCKING ARM INJURY WAS SO GROSS. Jacare-Mayhem was just textbook wrestling…fundamentally sound and all, but not horribly exciting. Melvin-SAKU was fucking awesome and I plan on watching it at least 5 more times this week. The shows are getting better as they go along, and I’ve heard a lot of good things about 5.

WEC 28
This looked like an ep of Wrekcage I’ve already watched and some random dark matches, so I didn’t watch this. Probably will when I finish with the DREAM later tonight.

WEC 29
Now this was good shit. Jamie Varner started slow but finished nicely. PAULO beat the shit out of Doerksen. Condit got pounded for half the round against Larson, then caught him with a DOPE armbar for the finish. Great stuff in the main.

WEC 30
I don’t remember anything from this show.

WEC 31
My disc was never finalized so it didn’t work. Grrrrrrrr.

WEC 32
This is one of the best MMA cards of the year. Garcia fucked up Takaya’s shit, and I’m so amped for him vs Pulver at the next show. Tapia-Banuelos was way totally awesome. Torres-Beebe was just a total destruction of Chase from Torres, he looked fucking awesome. Torres is becoming one of my favorite fighters, dude is so exciting. Varner-Razor was FUCKING AWWWWWWWESOME! The first 2 rounds were real slow…then in the 3rd round, they just went balls to the wall. Varner beat the everloving piss outta Razor in the last 30 seconds, knocking him down THREE TIMES, and Razor kept getting up until the last one, where he just kinda slumped against the cage. HUNT THIS DOWN. Prater-Condit didn’t go at all as I expected, and Condit pretty much dominated him before grabbing the sub. Might be the show of the year, still got a lot of stuff to watch.

WEC 33
This was actually the first show I watched when I got that pile of discs. Steve Cantwell looked kickass in dismantling McKenzie. I need my copy of 35 so I can watch him & Stann again. Marcus Hicks was CRAZY with all his guillotine attempts on Ed Ratcliff before finally finishing. I again need my copy of 35…this time, so I can watch Hicks-Varner again. I didn’t watch Sonnen-Baker the second time around because I was limited on time, but when I first watched it, I remember being highly entertained because of how fucking bad Sonnen beat the shit out of Baker. I think 2 judges actually scored it 30-25, which is an insanely one-sided score. Stann & Marshall was a quick slugfest of a main event and it was awesome. On second thought…this might be better than 32. Hm

WEC 34
I’m watching this again tomorrow. I do remember not being impressed by the first 3 fights, but thinking the last 2 were fucking awesome…and Faber-Pulver could be the fight of the year. It merits another watch for sure. And upon a second viewing…Torres-Maeda was AMAZING. Seriously phenomenal MMA in this fight…its pretty much a must-see for anyone who wants to consider themselves a MMA fan. The finish was weak, but what do you expect with a BROKEN ORBITAL BONE?! Faber-Pulver actually was as good as I remember seeing Urijah just pick Pulver apart, but Jens still landing some shots to keep it close. BACK TO BACK FOTYCs make this a probably contender for the SHOW OF THE YEAR.

WVR Sengoku 1
So disappointing. Gomi-Ludwig ended on a cut less than 3 minutes into the fight. FUCK THAT. Everything else was forgettable

WVR Sengoku 2-3
Haven’t watched a thing on any of these. I have 4 coming this week, and I really need to catch up…though I’ve heard theres nothing worth anything on them. But hell, I wanna see Gomi-Ludwig.

AFFLICTION Banned
My guy got me the FSN card in addition to the PPV card…and in all honesty, I only watched the last 2 fights, which were very entertaining. Fedor subbing Big Dim in 30 seconds is one of the greatest things I’ve seen all year.

ICON Sport - Mayhem vs Trigg
Haven’t watched this, and you’ll see why in a minute.

ICON Sport - To Hell & Back
Now on this show, I only watched Baroni-Hose, because I heard it was an asswhooping. I was sorely disappointed. First off, the venue looks like shit and is dimly lit. The production of the broadcast is fucking horrible, its not even on the scale of something like HDNet. Then theres KALA KOLOHE HOSE. This guy fucking sucks more than Baroni. He’s got some of the worst tats I’ve ever seen, and MMA fighters have some shitty fucking ones (I’m talking…this dude has a checkerboard pattern on his chest and thigh. Really). The fight fucking blew, because both guys gassed in the first round and thats a huge problem when the fight goes 5. The finish was hardly decisive and it looked like they just wanted the thing not to go to decision. I was so pissed off I didn’t watch anything else on the show, not that I had heard of any of their other fighters. VOMIT.

StrikeForce - Shamrock vs Baroni
Now we’re back into the good stuff. Again, I only watched the last 2 fights (I think…) but that was just due to laziness, and me wanting to see some fucking action. CUNG LE looked killer destroying Tony Fryklund…and the main event…wow. Frank Shamrock is the man. Phil Baroni is a chump. Thats all I really have to say.

StrikeForce - Shamrock vs Le
Here we go. I remember watching this live, and shitting all over it…probably because I was really drunk, and didn’t wanna give Elite any credit for anything at all. But everyone kept talking about how awesome it was. So I went into this with an open mind…and was amazed. Absolutely incredible fight, and the third round was probably ROUND OF THE YEAR. So pissed it didn’t go any further because of Frank’s arm, but its totally understandable, considering it was…you know…broken. I want a rematch. I also want more Cung Le in my future. Le vs Lawler would be KICKASS.

EliteXC - Uprising
This card pissed me off. We’ll tackle the fun topic first. Gina Carano. What a joke. She was getting picked apart by Evinger…and she randomly got her back, locked in a weak sub, and got the tap. It looked so rigged to me, because there is no fucking chance in hell that a smart, experienced fighter like Evinger would let a ground slug like Carano take her back. Really irritating shit. Diaz-Aina was another thing that stunk of management muddying the waters. I had Aina winning 29-28 and he loses a split. Now, that could be understandable…but one judge had it 30-27 Diaz. Um, WHAT?!?!? Shit does not make sense at all. Unfortunately for Elite…the Nick Diaz dream would not continue. Keep reading for more. Then there was Ninja-Lawler…with Ninja expected to tear Lawler apart. Only problem is, he gassed in the first round, and Lawler didn’t, and was able to pick his spots and knock Ninja on his ass in the third. But hey, anything that blows up in Elite’s face is fine in my book. Awesome.

EliteXC - Renegade
I have the undercard as well, but haven’t watched any of that yet. Antonio Silva and his giant vat of steroids looked good enough taking apart a dude who fought in the UFC like once and got destroyed. Noke-Kleinbeck was pretty decent, with noke opening up a VICIOUS cut on Kleinbeck which led to the stoppage. Shields-Pyle…whatever. Wkae me up when Shields beats a top 30 welterweight. Kimbo-Cantrell…no comment needed. Cantrell is a living breathing example of a can. Now the fun stuff…Diaz-Noons. KJ picked the shit out of Diaz, opened up like 3 cuts on his face, and got the win by doctor stoppage, which totally shit in the bags of Elite and their Nick Diaz Tribute Weight Class title. Diaz was a fucking selfish asshole too, leaving the ring immediately and flicking everyone off. What a fucking baby. KJ is gonna tear him apart the next time they fight, if it even happens.

EliteXC - Street Certified
Haven’t watched it. No real desire to. Watched it live, and thought it was ass.

EliteXC - Primetime
If I watch this again, I might snap the disc in half after watching Thompson-Kimbo with one of the worst stoppages in MMA history. OMGZ HIS EAR WAS BLOODY! Big deal. It wasn’t impairing his vision, LET THE FIGHT GO ON.

EliteXC - Return of the King
Diaz looked like shit taking 3 rounds to KO a guy with less than 10 fights, where as KJ looked dominant in beating Yves Edwards…who is past his prime, but still.

EliteXC - Unfinished Business
Cyborg-Baszler was FUCKING AWESOME. Cyborg-Carano is gonna be the best fight ever, because Gina is gonna get her pretty face smashed into a hundred pieces. Shields-Thompson was an abortion. Why Nick Thompson? He’s admittedly a decent fighter…but do you REALLY want him as the guy in your title fight? And then there was Lawler-Smith, which wasn’t as good as their first fight. EliteXC pisses me off.

PRIDE FC - Bushido 4
Yay, PRIDE!!! This show wasn’t too good..nothing really kept my attention except for Giant Silva getting his ass kicked, and GOMI.

PRIDE FC 29 - Fists of Fire
This was pretty fun. As usual, I can’t remember much of the undercard…but Nog-Overeem was pretty fun, though I was pulling for Overeem. Ninja-Rampage was a HORRIBLE decision, and led to one of the best fights ever with Shogun beating the everloving shit outta Rampage at Total Elimination. Mirko-Coleman was quick and painless. I want one of those CROCOP SQUAD t-shirts.

PRIDE FC - Bushido 6
I…don’t remember much off this. Sorry.

PRIDE FC - Bushido 7
Don’t remember too much of this either. Pulver looked pretty good. Baroni beat the piss out of Minowa…but its Minowa. Come on. And then Gomi was Gomi.

PRIDE FC 30 - Fully Loaded
Don’t even remember if I watched this.

PRIDE FC - Shockwave 2005
This card was soooooo huge, I’ll try to keep my thoughts minimal. Fedor-Zuluzinho was horribly entertaining for the 20 seconds it went it. It was just like the Sylvia fight! Hendo-Bustamante was horribly boring. Gomi-Sakurai was fun. Saku-Minowa…yeah, I just like to see Minowa lose. Hunt-Mirko was depressing because of how fucking fat Mark Hunt is. Such an untalented fighter, but he’s got bricks in his head, so he’s able to survive everything Mirko throws at him. I think he ate like 3 headkicks flush. And then WAND-Arona…yeah. I thought Arona probably won, since WAND isn’t too hot on the ground and thats where most of the fight was…but whatever. I’m not bitching about a WAND victory.

PRIDE FC 31 - Dreamers
Haven’t watched yet.

PRIDE FC 32 - The Real Deal
Haven’t watched yet.

UFC Ultimate Fight Night 13
Houston-Irvin was quick and dirty. Diaz-Pellegrino was a nice little jiu jitsu war. Hamill-Boetsch sucked, which was disappointing to me. Karo getting KTFO made me smile because I despite Karo. Also, Anthony Johnson knocking the shit out of that piece of garbage Tom Speer was rather awesome. Maynard-Edgar was fun for wrestling fans. Florian-Lauzon was real good in the first, but turned into domination in the second. Sotiropolous-Mitchiyan was another submission clinic that I really liked. Aurelio’s sub over Roberts was CRAAAAAAAAZY!

UFC 83 - Serra vs St Pierre 2
CAIN-Morris was awesome…I don’t think Cain took one punch at all and landed something like 60 or so. Absolute DOMINANCE. Maia-Herman and Macdonald-Doerksen were BJJ CLINICS. Day-Belcher was a brutal KO. Clementi-Stout & Goulet-Hironaka were fun little fights. Bisping looked like a MONSTER at 185. Quarry-Starnes was such a horrible fight, though no fault of Quarry. What an embarrssing performance from Starnes…just horrible. Franklin-Lutter was nothing special, and Serra-GSP was just a clinic in dominatioin. The card actually seemed to get worse as it went along.

UFC 84 - Ill Will
Only watched a couple fights since the live airing. Carwin-Wellisch, Silva-Mendes, and Reljic-Gouveia were all great KOs. WAND-Jardine was fucking epic and one of the most dominating fights of WAND’s career. Then there was the main event which consisted of Sean Sherk defying logic by trying to stand with BJ, getting picked apart for 3 rounds, then eating a knee to the face to end the fight. Awesome.

UFC 85 - Bedlam
I actually watched all of this card. Cane-Lambert was ridiculous, and LUIZ CANE is gonna be a stud. Werdum-Vera blew. Leites-Marquardt was a fundamentally sound fight, with 2 big point deductions for Nate costing him the fight, even though one was bullshit and it should have been a draw…but then again, the SHOOT PILEDRIVER should have been a point as well. Swick-Davis was more of a Mike Swick fight than a Marcus Davis fight…which isn’t a good thing, because Swick has had a few boring fights in a row now. Bisping-Day made me a believer of The Count at 185, because Jason Day is a real good fighter, and he TOOLED him. The main of Alves-Hughes was real good, and fat or no, Alves knocked a legend out. Thats gotta count for something.

UFC 86 - Jackson vs Griffin
REAL drunk when I saw this live, haven’t watched since. I was actually asleep for the last 4 rounds of the main, and I can’t remember any other fights off the top of my head.

UFC - Silva vs Irvin
This was an immensely entertaining free show. Markham-Farber and CAIN-O’Brien were both great KOs…CAIN is a stud and I’d loooooove to see him & Carwin go at it soon. Burns-Johnson was another one of those total bullshit ref decisions that pisses me off. Don’t remember a thing about Edgar-Franca. Vera-Andy blew, but you had to give Vera an easy win in his first fight at 205, right? Silva-Irvin was maginificent, with a BIG JOE style catch of the kick, punch to the jaw KO. Fucking. Awesome.

So yeah…I have 17 more discs coming sometime at the end of this week, beginning of next week, and will spend the rest of my time watching the previously mentioned unwatched shit. But as a teaser for next time…HERE’S WHATS COMING!

WEC 31 (1x)
WEC 35 (1x)
Sengoku 4 (2x)
UFC 79 (1x)
UFC 80 (1x)
UFC 81 (1x)
UFC 84 (2x)
PRIDE FC Total Elimination 2004 (1x)
PRIDE FC Critical Countdown 2004 (1x)
PRIDE FC Shockwave 2006 (1x)
PRIDE FC Absolute 2006 Set (5x)

The UFC’s are DVD clones…so YAY, prelim fights! Later.

-JOE

Addition to the MOVIES THAT DONT SUCK list.

This one is kinda obvious, but I just got around to buying it on DVD and watching it interrupted.

The Godfather. An absolute masterpiece, I’ll tell you what. My favorite scene was the one where Michael was getting shown how to make sauce…because I fucking love some good sauce.

My weekend was uh, something. I guess. The fun starts on Friday, with me skipping chem & calc to go to the gym (of course), and go to work 2 hours early. As usual on truck day, I broke my ass off and felt good about it. Gorgeous day too, so the driving I did was smooth. After work…the DRAMA~ begins. Niki was in town, so I picked her up for dinner…and yeah. She was bitchy the whole time. Seemed real uninterested to spend time with me. I didn’t even wanna see a movie or anything like that after dinner, I was so disheartened. I’m not even really pissed…more just hurt, but thats about par for the course. Like, one example. I jokingly mentioned Chili’s Lindsey at one point, and Niki goes off about why she (Niki) would never date me. Huh? The FUCK? Women confuse me. After that I watched a Braves win (over the Mets, hurrah), and a new NUMB3RS. So my night wasn’t horribly eventful…but my day was, at least.

Saturday, worked all day. Car was acting fucky in the morning with the retarded tranny, so I was late. Kicked things off to a good start. The day itself was rather uneventful. Didn’t go to Hershey at all, but did run to the Pike twice. Good way to kill some time. Last 4 hours was spent checking the Braves score (whats that? Another one run loss? Shocking), and the Draft…nothing like anticipating a top 10 pick, and uh, trading down 18 spots. I come home, and see they traded up…to get a guy that would have been available at 26. Lovely. So I guess I have to cheer for Joe Flacco now…great. I’m still firmly on the Troy Smith bandwagon, but I think I’m alone.  Rest of the draft went decent…Ray Rice should be a solid third down back, and Zbikowski could be a nice nickel…and I’m THRILLED we got Fabian Washington for a fourth. I honestly can’t remember what the hell else I did. Watched a couple movies, nothing to be added to either list though.

Today was also rather uneventful. Didn’t leave the house aside from going to the car to get my stat folder to type up my crappy project. Watched a lot of the draft as guys I’ve never heard of got picked. Watched a frustrating Braves game (loss, again). Played Chrono Trigger, watched movies (again, nothing for either list). Yawn.

This week coming up is gonna be a weird one. Last week of classes…I actually have calc on Wednesday, and don’t have it on Friday…not that it matters, since I’m skipping Friday (review sessions, yawn) anyway. No class Thursday. So I’ve got 3 full days of class left before finals…wow, the end of days at HACC. I am cry. If I had any friends that were social, I’d have a party or something. But since all the people I’m close with live like, more than a county away, I’ll probably end up drinking alone and watching the Braves. HOOAH~! I’m still supremely confident about this season. We’re a game under .500, and 2 of our top hitters, and something like 5 pitchers are hurt. Imagine what we’re gonna do when we’re fully healthy. Mmmmm division title. I also don’t have chem lab this week, finished that off last week…so that means I get more time to putz around in the gym Tuesday, not that I need it. As long as it doesn’t result in another disastrous Best Buy run (which despite selling back my last 2 books this week, and not having to pay a cell bill the next 2 months, I cannot afford), I’ll be good.

And on that note…yeah, the History show I’ve been watching ondemand is getting neglected. Poor thing. Late.

-JOE

Here are 2 lists. One list is of MOVIES THAT SUCK. I’ve wrote entries about some of them, some I haven’t. These are all essentially things I’ve rated 2 or less stars on Facebook. The other list is MOVIES THAT DON’T SUCK. I haven’t written reviews of these. They’re all movies I’ve rated 4.5 or 5 on Facebook. These lists will be periodically updated because I’m a whore for Best Buy.  ENJOY!

MOVIES THAT SUCK
Casino Royale
The Da Vinci Code
Day of the Dead
The Descent
Die Another Day
Dominion - Prequel to the Exorcist
The Fog
Friday the 13th - Part 7 - The New Blood
Friday the 14th - Part 8 - Jason Takes Manhattan
Halloween II
Hannibal
Hostel - Part II
Jeepers Creepers
Octopussy
Psycho II
The Ring II
Silent Hill
THE VILLAGE (which I do not own, and plan on never owning unless someone buys it for me. Negative 20 million stars)
When a Stranger Calls
White Noise
The World is Not Enough

Wow, that was a little harsh. Maybe I should have moved the cutoff down a little bit. Anyway. NEXT LIST TIME!

MOVIES THAT DON’T SUCK
30 Days of Night
300
BASEketball
Borat
Chasing Amy
Clerks
Clue
Cloverfield
Dawn of the Dead
Dawn of the Dead (remake)
Die Hard
Dirty Work
Dogma
Dr No
The Exorcism of Emily Rose
The Exorcist
The Foul King
From Russia with Love
Goldfinger
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back
Kill Bill Volume 1
Kill Bill Volume 2
License to Kill
Mallrats
The Matrix Reloaded
Office Space
One Hour Photo
Orgazmo
Pulp Fiction
Rounders
Running Scared
Saw
Saw II
Saw III
Saw IV
The Shawshank Redemption
Silence of the Lambs
South Park - Bigger, Longer & Uncut
The Spy Who Loved Me
Star Wars Episode II - Attack of the Clones
Star Wars Episode IV - A New Hope
Star Wars Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars Episode VI - Return of the Jedi
The Thing
Very Bad Things
You Only Live Twice

Wow, that list was even longer. Eventually I’ll redo my criteria for these two, maybe rerank some shit. I dunno. We’ll see.

-JOE

You ever just get in a huge rut that you feel like you can’t get out of? Thats how I am right now. My life is so mundane right now, Wake up, go to school, go to the gym, go to work, sit on my ass, watch the Braves, go to sleep. Rinse and repeat. Luckily, some shit is changing. I only have 2 weeks of real class left, then finals week, and I am TOTALLY DONE AT HACC. Cue massive celebrations…now. I haven’t heard from PSU in like a month though, and I kinda need to go to orientation and register…but yeah, how the fuck am I supposed to do that if they don’t give me any information? Really looking forward to it, because I’ll have all my core classes out of the way that I struggle in…like math. 2 maths this semester…and dear fuck is it ever strenuous on my brain. Round 3 of statistics is much easier and should result in a transferrable grade this time around, but stranger things have happened…if I bomb the exam I have on Wednesday or the final, I’m fucked up the ass. Business calc on the other hand…only one more grade left, that being the final…took an exam on Thursday I’ll be getting back tomorrow, and a high B puts me in the range of getting a B in the course. That would make my day…I’d be tickled with a 2.7 for the semester, anything more is just a total bonus. Then no school for 3 and a half months….ahhh, release.

Work is cool, if not as stressful as work is. I’m not lettting myself get too worked up over the little things, so I’m good. I work with good people, my job is easy…its a huge change from where I was last year, and I couldn’t be happier. I’m getting some minor advancement and some knowledge enhancement, so thats cool. Hopefully in 3 weeks, I’ll pick up maybe about 8 extra hours, which will give me some extra cash, kill some of my spare time, and keep me busy. Extra cash would be nice, because I still have a credit card bill I’m paying off due to the UFC trip last month, and I wanna go to Pittsburgh in about a month for a couple Braves games, and I REALLY wanna road trip down to Atlanta for a series. But who knows, I really can’t plan too far in advance…just gotta take things day by day.

Personal life…the less said the better. Its a barren wasteland filled with denial after apathetic denial. Friends are nonexistant, women friends are even less so. On the bright side, Niki’s coming back for a few days next week, so hopefully I get to actually…hang out with a friend, which is something has happened next to nil this year. I’ve gotten a couple invites from Ivan, but I’d feel kinda awkward going out with him and his girlfriend. Nothing personal buddy. The rest of my friends either have dropped off the face of the earth, live in not-hangoutable range, or are preoccupied with other shit. No big, I’ll be good.

What else has been going on…baseball season is 3 weeks old and I’m already incredibly frustrated, enthused, excited, and irritated by my Atlanta Braves. They’ve won 4 straight, and things appear to be looking up…but 7 LOSSES IN ONE RUN GAMES. 7. IN 18 GAMES. Thats fucking unreal. I can’t even begin to tell you how many various objects I’ve launched across my room out of frustration due to a loss to a shitty team (seriously: 9 losses. 2 to Florida, 2 to Washington, 3 to Colorado, 2 to Pittsburgh. Yet, we’ve swept the Mets & Dodgers). I’d be a lot more comfortable if we had a record like Arizona’s right now, but I’m a realist. I know we have the best team in the division and one of the top 3 in the league. Just gotta hope that all the cards fall right during the summer and fall. And when you look around the league…a lot of shitty teams are playing good ball right now, and a lot of good teams aren’t so hot. The Mets are very weird looking and not at all dominant. The Phillies have no pitching. The Dodgers can’t hit for shit. The Cardinals & Marlins are about to fall to earth with the impact of a meteor. The Brewers, Cubs & Diamondbacks make me kinda scared…but the Brewers are rolling with Eric Gagne at the end of games, and the Cubs are already getting injured. The Diamondbacks though…wow. Unless some of their young guys get busted for doing stupid shit as kids tend to do, they’re gonna be pretty tough to beat. What a bunch of dicks, getting a top 5 AL pitcher for what amounts to a bunch of guys who weren’t going to play for them this season or in the near future anyway. Fuck Dan Haren.

Wrestling is as gay as usual. I’m supposedly doing commentary on an IWS show this week, so thats gonna be…interesting. Something to add to my resume, I guess. I’m in kind of a rut with MMA too…the Fight Night a few weeks ago blew, the PPV last night sucked, and my DVD provider ripped me off, so I’m SOL there. I don’t even watch The Ultimate Fighter anymore, cuz its on the same time as South Park, and South Park is consistently more entertaining.

I think I can kinda sum of my life right now in one little event that happened this week. The HIGHLIGHT of my week…the BEST thing that happened to me…was getting the Discovery Channel in HD. Seriously. All I need is the History Channel in HD, and I’m set. Nothing like seeing conspiracy theorists and apocalypse bringers in GLORIOUS HIGH DEFINITION. That about takes care of that. Out.

-Joe

Kaiser’s company, the fine fine people at OKCUPID.COM, is tremendous. Make a profile there and find true love, lord knows I have!

And also, Seamlessweb.com is pretty kickass too. Order a ton of shit off of them!

Can I get my free shit now?

This entry is being done with a handful of painkillers in my system, and shockingly enough, no alcohol. And half a pizza. FUCK that was a horrible decision. I was too fucking lazy to go to Quizno’s, so I decided to order a pizza…naturally, I don’t know when to let go and get 3 toppings. And a stuffed crust. And soda. And breadsticks. See what I mean? So when all is said and done, I ended up spending THIRTY SIX FUCKING DOLLARS on food, of which I ate 4 slices and 3 breadsticks last night, the other 4 pieces today, and none of the breadsticks. I got some VIOLENT shits last night, and they weren’t GOOD violent shits…they were the bad ones where you’re sitting there thinking making a lot of progress, then you wipe, see nothing in the toilet…and what may have been blood on the TP. Yeah, thats a lovely feeling. “Hm, I may have just legitimately shit out my insides. I don’t think this is healthy…”  So yeah, FUCK Pizza Hut. And Rum is trying to convince me to get Pizza Hut on the first night in Ohio. FUCK THAT. He can order 25 bucks worth of shit from there, I’ll go to Sonic or something. Yes, not only is there a Sonic in Grove City, ITS A QUARTER OF A MILE FROM OUR HOTEL. That sound you heard was BIG JOE’S DICK EXPLODING. If only I wasn’t an alcoholic, I’d buy like 6 cherry limeades at a time and dump them into a cooler. No, I wouldn’t actually do that because that would be borderline insane. But then again, I AM fucking nuts. Who knows…all I know is that I’ll probably buy 2 cases of beer here, since I have NO FUCKING IDEA what the beer situation around our hotel is. This isn’t a huge deal to Rum…he doesn’t give a fuck. They sell beer at convenience stores in Ohio, and he drinks Bud. Should be able to find it ANYWHERE. Me? I’m not so sure I want this to be a DOMESTIC weekend. I have all this fucking money saved, why not at least buy some good beer? Molson…hell, go the bottle route and get XXX. Or I could go the total OTHER direction and buy Steel Reserve so I pass out by 9 every night to keep me energized. Nah, that won’t happen, once was enough for that pig vomit. This beer situation man…driving me fucking nuts! Its a big deal to me, alright? FUCK. I just want some GOOD BEER. Not dog piss beer. GOOD BEER. I DRINK IMPORTS GODDAMMIT. I DON’T WANT THIS PANSY ASS BREWED IN AMERICA HORSE SHIT. GIVE ME SWEET CANADIAN GOODNESS. Goddammit.

I love my job. My friends think I’m completely insane, but I don’t care. I’ve actually started learning shit, and I work with people that I get along with and that entertain me. Plus, the job is easier than Niki at a gothrave full of pale guys with long hair and leather jackets. EYO UNPROVOKED SHOT! Thats gonna piss her off, but what the fuck do I care, I’m bitter and it was mildly true when I was attempting to stick my dick in her (which by the way, failed miserably. GOOD WORK JOE, YOU ARE TRULY AN INSPIRATION TO STRAIGHT MEN ALL AROUND THE WORLD). That seems like a decent segue into my love life. Yeah, it pretty much sucks more dick than…no, I can’t attack Niki again…uh, Ashley Blue at a uh…cocksuckng convention? Wow, stellar wit! Its been SO LONG since I blogged, I don’t think I said a word about the little relationship I was in. Yeah, its true. Its also over, big shock there. Long story short, I got lied to more than the average crowd at an Ed Rendell rally, and instead of letting my bullshit detector (which really, REALLY needs some fine-tuning) go off, I took EVERY FUCKING LIE as the gospel truth. Not only that, I TOLD people these lies AND PASSED THEM OFF AS TRUTH, so I look like a pretty huge jackass to all my friends and coworkers. I tried giving examples with witty comebacks, but the wit was all washed up. Sorry folks. Lemme just say this: the only things I KNOW she didn’t lie about was that yes, she was a woman, and that her name was Rachel. FUCKIN A, NAMEDROPPING ANOTHER EX!

During this uh, relationship (if you can call it that…I’m a pathetic sack of shit, so I WILL), I severed my friendship with RUMBIN, which was probably a good thing at the time, because he would have had a fucking FIELD DAY with me if I told him all of her lies at the time (which I’m SURE he’ll verbally rape me about on the 375 mile trek to Ohio). It was probably a good thing that our “business relationship” took a small hiatus, because Rumbin is a complicated creature…very overwhelming at times. I have him by the balls right now, because I’m in possession of not only the UFC tickets, but also $410 thats in my bank account from selling HIS shit. If I find out he didn’t send the shit, and my feedback rating goes down, I’m not going to be a very happy camper. ANYWAY, I guess its time I talked about THE TRIP. In JUST FOUR SHORT DAYS, Me & Rum are heading to GROVE CITY, OHIO, using it as our base of operations for 4 days and 3 nights in preparation for the FUN TIMES AND OTHERWORLDLY SHENANIGANS in Columbus for UFC 82. Thursday when we get there (probably around 7 or 8 PM), we plan on drinking and watching fights. I have a fantasy baseball draft that night, so thats going to be a BLAST while drunk off my ass. Friday, we’re going to the ARNOLD CLASSIC for a few hours, and hopefully getting a SHITLOAD of mark pics with guys like Rich Franklin and Jorge Gurgel. Theres also a Dana White Q&A at 1 (I think) that I REALLY wanna go to just so we can ask fucking RIDICULOUS questions like “When is Tim Boetsch getting a fucking title shot?”, “Where the fuck is SCOTT JUNK?”, “Why are you so obessed with ROB EMERSON? If he fought Ross Pointon, would your head explode from the amount of “FUCKING FIGHTERS” in the ring at the same time?” and of course, “How pissed are you that your one white champion is from LONG FUCKING ISLAND?” Fun times all around. After the AC, its the UFC Weighins…these are most likely going to be fucking boring, we might need to shout some things to rattle the fighters, assuming theres not a huge crowd there. We’ll see though, I have no idea how lax the security is for this thing. I wonder if I’ll get kicked out for calling Jorge Gurgel a donkeyfucker. I guess we’ll see in FIVE SHORT DAYS, won’t we? Pics will be plentiful. After that, probably more of the same…drinking and fights. I have a fantasy baseball draft THAT NIGHT too…so more drunken shitty teams, HURRAH. BTW, my chosen name this year is “Taylor’s Baby Daddy”, since Taylor Motherfucking Rain is somehow PREGNANT. What the fuck is THAT shit? She can take 2 cocks in her cunt and ass without flinching (well…not flinching, but groaning in that sexy, sexy pothead voice of hers), but one guy decides not to pull out, and thats game? WHAT THE FUCK?! This makes no sense to me, my mind is boggled. Anyway, back to OHIO. Saturday is going to be the epic day where we’re likely to die. During the day, we plan on visiting THE Ohio State University. Now, I’m a PSU student and Northwestern fan, Rum is a Florida fan…this is NOT going to result in anything good. We plan on bringing some computer paper, a Sharpie, and draw up some offensive signs. Example: :pic of Joe standing with the Horseshoe behind him holding a piece of paper with arrows pointing everywhere that says MINDLESS FAGGOTS: Fun times all around. After we get our asses raped by some frat boys, its off to the hotel for some MORE drinking and fights, and then to the NATIONWIDE ARENA for UFC82! THE MOST EPIC FIGHT OF MY LIFETIME, AND I’M GOING TO BE CLUB LEVEL FOR IT. We’re also gonna see a shitload of other great fights, and its really going to numb the pain of buying a $20 program and $7 beers. If I’m drunk enough, I might make a pitstop in the Blue Jackets club store. Rum’s gotta keep me under control there, I don’t want a fucking jersey with an insect on it. Then after the show…dunno. PROBABLY going back to the hotel for more drinking and fights, but we may try to find an afterparty at a place thats not a club…if ACE was having something at like, an Irish pub, we’d definitely go, and get into a fight 5 minutes in. Now how awesome would THAT be…”how did you get that black eye?” “I spit on Rich Franklin and broke his nose”. Wow. You know what…with this trip coming up, fuck all the shit that I’ve been through. I wanna be here forever and always. Yeah, I did just quote a Bullet song. Fuck you. I had to make this sound like SOME KIND of emo blog. Fuck you, go fuck yourself, and have a lovely miserable cold day. HEARTS!

-Joe

I unfortunately have wasted my money on a couple DVDs lately, a prime example of why I really need a subscription to Netflix lately. I also bought a couple of stinkers On Demand, but that was awhile ago and I don’t remember much of the shit. First off on my shit list is the Da Vinci Code. Now, I fuckin LOVED the book. It was real great. But the movie? A steaming turd. First off, it was way too long. Scenes that didn’t take much time in the book took FOREVER in the movie. It was too contemplative, not nearly as much action as in the book. Seemed a little cute for itself.

The next movie I have to rant about is Silent Hill. I bought this expecting some mindless violence. I got a confusing disjointed piece of horse shit. The storyline made no fucking sense at all, the killing was few and far between, and it was more puzzling than cool. Kinda like the game, I guess (which was also a waste of money - I expected Resident Evil, I got “wandering around in fog like a retard”). This was also too long, at about 2 hours. The only redeeming scene in the movie was fuckin Pyramid Head (who was on screen for MAYBE 5 minutes) ripping a chick’s skin off in one fell swoop. I think that chick somehow survived though, I dunno though because a lot of the characters seemed to blend together. Oh, and the ending to this is real gay. “OMGZ THEY’RE STUCK IN THE FOGGY WORLD!”

Man I’m pissed. To calm down before sleep, I’ll watch a couple eps of Numb3rs season 3. That doesn’t insult my intelligence, thank god.

-Joe

My home theater is essentially complete. Only thing is, I’d like to get another switcher box so I can have my recorder hooked up with component cables…its on RCA right now, due to the switcher box LYING TO ME. Yeah. But aside from that, everything is nearly perfect with my little slice of heaven. Video games on that sucker = love.

School is going decent. I’ve started to lap the field in chem (doing homework before we even start the chapter. Yes, I’m a loser. Eat it), which is always a good thing. Speech, just got a ton of extra credit on the great speech I gave last week…stat is boring as sin, and relatively complicated at times. I hate math. Registration for spring starts in like a week and a half, so yeah. My final semester at HACC…I’m getting a little teary-eyed. Oh wait, thats just cuz of my contact. Sorry.

Music-wise…bleh. Downloaded a Metallica discography (yay!), Hawthorne Heights (whatever), Thursday (haven’t touched yet), and the new Sixx AM CD (bleh). Running out of room on my iPod…5200+ songs and 1 free gig. I don’t *want* to buy a new one (since I’ll lose all my playcounts, and I’m fanatical about that shit), but its looking like I’m going to *have* to. Once my theater is paid off, that’ll probably be the next big thing I buy. While I’m on the topic of money, lemme say this: I gotta cut down on the spending on beer. I bought 3 cases on my last check. Not a good thing. I probably won’t be drinking much at all this weekend since I work Saturday AND Sunday, so yeah. I’m going to try not to buy any DVDs this check either, which should allow for all of it to go to the credit card bill thats looming on the horizon. Not good times…bad times. Hopefully its under a grand.

All I’m waiting on is the switcher…then I just need to buy component cables for my PS2 and DVD recorder, and I’m set. This setup is gonna be so pimp…that is, assuming my HD box stops randomly shutting off and turning back on. Its fuckin weird, and is REALLY pissing me off.

Re: work. I’m sick of driving around in the fucking truck, especially on Fridays. Friday is truck day, and I like doing truck. Really pisses me off when I have to make a 20 minute drive to get a 10 dollar sale.

Oop, cable box just shut off again. This is really irritating tonight, because I’m watching what appears to be a very good episode of Numb3rs, which I really need to grab season 3 of on DVD…once my theater is paid off, that is. And there it goes again. This would be really funny if it wasn’t me, and everyone knows how I get when I’m angry. I tried calling Comcast tonight, but I’m not holding for more than 5 minutes. Fuck that shit, I’m important.

UFC is tomorrow, and I’ll probably just watch a stream (because of the aforementioned cable box issues, and the fact that my recorder isn’t…you know, RECORDING). I’m looking forward to watching Anderson Silva demolish Rich Franklin (again), and Brandon Vera kick the teeth out of Tim Sylvia (hopefully).

Also, I’m not drunk right now. Drank 6 Miller Lites, and am barely flinching. We’ll ignore the fact that those 6 were spread over about 4 hours. HEY, NORTHWESTERN WON AND COVERED. I think thats only the second time this year they’ve covered, which is amazing. Well I’m out, because I’m getting slightly frustrated now. Late.

-Joe